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so last night i had a night in. by myself. sober. i know, huh?

did i do anything useful like tidy my tip of a room or read some stuff for the two impending essays? no i didn't. instead i favoured eating as much junk food as i could get my hands on, and watching beavis and butthead do america and elf. do not judge me. it's hard to overthink everything constantly, every brain needs a switch off. hannah came home with cigarettes, diet coke, and fried chicken, and we got into bed together and gossiped.

there's so much going on right now i can't really think. i had to let grace down for for hms pinup doors today, which makes me feel like shit, but i promised a friend in a bind that i'd help them with their photoshoot. me, a model? ha ha ha, right? but if they think i'm right for it, well, it's their damn photoshoot, i'm not going to argue with them. i seem to be trying my hand at all sorts these days. and it means i can catch the tail end of my friends beach barbecue, which i thought i was going to miss.

i am so looking forward to being able to pick and choose what i read come the end of these two essays it's unreal. looking forward to it so much that i can't even decide what to read first, in fact. i've got feedback to pick up tomorrow. scary. my dad is talking about graduation to me on the phone now, crazy. and on the 26th he's bringing my grandad down to visit, as he's over from new zealand. i spoke to him for the first time since i was tiny this christmas, on the phone. it's so surreal to me that i am related fairly closely to someone i've pretty much never met. i wonder what he's like? i wonder what he thinks i'm like? i get the feeling he'll be maybe pretty disappointed. i mean, i know my dad's proud of me, to think otherwise would be silly, so he's probably told my grandad about my grades and stuff, but i do wonder what he'll make of me in my chainsmoking, half shaved head glory? it's not exactly the stuff grandparent's dreams are made of. and i've no idea what my nz cousins are like so i've no yardstick to measure by.

anyway i suppose really i better have a shower, obsess and get angsty about my appearance before camera exposure, then make some potato salad and prawn skewers to take to this beach party. coastal living rules.