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Posted on 2010.10.13 at 12:21
hearing: the commodores:brick house
Day 01 - Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love.
Day 03 - Your parents, in great detail.
Day 04 - What you ate today, in great detail.
Day 05 – Your definition of love.

Day 06 – Your day.

since i'm literally not even halfway through my day today i'll write about yesterday. it was my first day of being single proper, since john broke up with me by TEXT MESSAGE while i was AT WORK on monday night (sorry to sound like a broken record about that but his childish and cowardly lack of respect has PISSED ME RIGHT OFF. a year's relationship wasn't worth more than that? whatever, he'll become another one of my exes who proceeds to go out with 'safe girls' and still hits me up for a good time now and then. they all do it. difference is, he'll get a no, for being a prick).

so yeah, i woke up at like half ten with a belter of a hangover (bottle of rum punch plus bottle of shiraz = not a dream combo) and ate my bodyweight in cheese on toast while reading and dogearing my new nigel slater book (tender vol 2, arrived just in time for me to contemplate what soft fruit canes i want in the garden). rang up the hairdressers to add a manicure to my list of requirements for the day, cos if it's good enough for elle woods, it's good enough for me.

tootled down to the hairdessers at one thirty, got rid of all the damagged growth so i'm now in possession of just-below shoulder length hair (haven't seen it curly, it'll probably be an afro) as opposed to my previous waist length. don't know how i feel about that, but the damged ends really did have to go. it feels, as a result, like i now have no hair. the manicure was bad, actually, i could have done a better job at home, but i'm training my nails to grow oval and i wanted a professional shape on them to work with.

sat around reading nights at the circus by angela carter in the afternoon, mooched on facebook, and waited for mum to get home, so we could sort out the answer sheet bundles for the pub quiz at work. sat with her while she watched her soaps and read up on mycology, decided on cheese and crackers for dinner cos i couldn't face cooking, and got ready for the pub quiz. now, i do not have a little black dress. i have a little leopard print dress. it is my never-fail knockout dress. and i wore that, because, understandably, i feel shitty at the moment. had a glass or two of chardonnay while mum finished watching eastenders, then we went down to work. proceeded to gossip with coworkers about what a terrible person john is, kick back with the regulars, drink much more than i should, and mark the quiz.

had a drink or two, or three, or four, with mum when i got in. passed out on the sofa. that is the end of what was undoubtedly a boring and uneventful day.

Posted on 2010.09.29 at 14:24
Day 01 - Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love.
Day 03 - Your parents, in great detail.
Day 04 - What you ate today, in great detail.

Day 05 – Your definition of love.

so, diabled embedding can fuck off, but i'm basically with derrida on this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dj1BuNmhjAY


what a boring question.

Posted on 2010.09.28 at 13:04
hearing: fleetwood mac:dreams
Day 01 - Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 - Your parents, in great detail.

Day 04 - What you ate today, in great detail.

ok, so it's the middle of the day so i have, as yet, not eaten much. i'm at john's, and i tend to skip breakfast here cos his cupboards are a typical carbohydrates and condiments bachelor-fest, and i favour a more protein and veg based breakfast (a smoothie or a piece of toast with peanut butter and banana or something). for lunch i had leftover lentil loaf with some lettuce in a sandwich (could've used mayo, who doesn't have mayo in their kitchen, seriously??). it was leftover from a recipe i threw together with this badboy http://www.veganlunchbox.com/loaf_studio.html (i plan on making a mushroom and walnut based one next time mum decides on a sunday roast, cos i do still kind of enjoy the traditions of family meals). basically, john and i have been doing a meat-free month for the whole of september, and i have decided, since i don't miss it, that i am going to take the plunge and become an ovo-lacto vegetarian. so far i haven't missed meat at all, and have only had 'fake meat' once, some really good veggie sausages in a sandwich at the fishmarket cafe. i think i've mostly decided to continue because i previously disagreed with the environmental impact of industrial farming, but was too lazy to implement my principles, and now that i have, i've seen how easy it is, and that i don't feel deprived. i may even eventually go vegan, as switching to ovo-lacto didn't involve too much dietary change, but i definitely won't do that while i still live at my mum's, i give her enough grey hair as it is.

as for what i eat for dinner tonight, i don't know, but whether i eat here or at mum's it will probably involve some sort of roasted butternut squash (cos i know john has one and i know i've got one at home). i thought i'd be more adventurous all the time with my cooking in only making vegetarian food, but when i think back to how much veggie stuff i ate all throughout university i realize it hasn't changed my cooking style much at all. i still mostly love spicy food with punchy flavours and lots of greens, and will always fall back on an indian style tomato-based curry if i don't know what to cook.

i should have realized i can witter on about food for ages, shouldn't i? it's definitely one of my primary interests.


mummy and daddy (hi mum, hi dad)

Posted on 2010.09.25 at 15:25
hearing: stevie nicks:edge of seventeen
Day 01 - Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love

Day 03 - Your parents, in great detail

this is gonna be a long'un, probably less of a downer than the previous lot though as i kind of get on with my parents. here's a brief time schemata on things so's you know what i'm on about. my parents seperated twice: once when i was what, six/seven, getting back together when i was about 8/9; and secondly, finally, when i was in sixth form.

okay, so i probably don't have the conventional relationship with my mum and dad. we kind of had our relationships broken down and then reformed in an adult mould long before most people. everyone thinks my parents are cool, mostly because they are. i think i've inherited qualities from both of them, and i would say i get on with them both in such different ways that i couldn't say i got on with one of them better than the other, as it wouldn't be a fair comparison.

okay, so i think we'll start with my dad. my dad is called bruce, and he's from new zealand, which means i have dual nationality and two passports. he only took the citizenship test when i was in sixth form. he has worked in IT for the whole time i've been alive, first at deautsche bank, then as a contractor for IBM. as a consequence he hates being on the computer when it's not at work, and has told me to stop going out with computer nerds who try to talk to him about it. duly noted dad, i now have a boyfriend who talks shop with mum instead. he is really tall (something i inherited), and really skinny (something i did not inherit). he is possibly the funniest drunk in the history of the universe (something i inherited for some of the time) and has been greying since i was young. he lives in leicester, with his girlfriend kath (can we please invent a word for older people's partners, girlfriend and boyfriend sounds so sad and midlife crisis-y even when it is really not). these days i don't see him very much, which is a shame, as i get on pretty well with my dad. i didn't always. i think most of my early to mid teens were a battle of wills between my dad and i, mostly because we didn't understand each other, which is painful enough as it is. my dad likes skiing, golf, and cricket. all of the sports that aren't really sports, basically. he's been present at all the important occasions in my life, and on birthdays and stuff he always asks me what i want so he doesn't get it wrong, but the things he buys off his own bat are always amazing too (like my jade fish hook when he went to new zealand). when i was at uni he used to send me a parcel at easter full of dark chocolate (he knows i like it better) and every year i'd be like 'what the fuck is that??' til i opened it. i think my dad and i talk about things a lot more now than we ever did. last christmas i bought him the live recorded stop making sense album, and we both had a bit of a cry to once in a lifetime. i definitely inherited my cynicism from my dad, especially when it comes to the corporate world, and people trying to sell me things i don't need. he was the one at my graduation who took me off for double gin and tonics before the ceremony because i could not hack how close i was to a first and he knew i could not deal with everybody continuously being so bloody proud of me. that kind of sums it up really.

now, onto my mum. my mum is called sharon. she is a teacher, she's very short (hi mum i know you're reading this, you're a midget) but we look exactly the same to the point that it is disturbing. her mum looks the same as us as well. it actually terrifies people. i live with her now, while i'm at home for a year. my mum is my first port of call whenever something is really wrong; i'm not sure i'd have made it through uni if i hadn't called her up for a little cry when things were tough. she's a maths teacher at secondary level (hence her and john talk shop) because of an OU degree she studied for while i was at secondary school (i shouted 'MITCHELLL!' a la a football fan at her graduation and nearly got beats from my grandmother). i inherited my surreal sense of humour from my mum, for definite, and the pair of us have a tendency towards lots of wine, terrible behaviour, and hysterical laughter when we're together. when we argue, it's definitely panic stations though, because we're so similar that neither of us back down, and one of us has to walk away. she has literally just walked in, sparked up a fag, poured a glass of red and is chatting at me now about my little brother's 21st, so i'm not sure how much else i'm gonna be able to write. she is the strongest woman i know, even if she doesn't think it, having lived through and dealt with two seperations, my stepdad's suicide, raising a mentally ill teenager who got bullied mercilessly and had a problematic school life, and still carrying on. she has a boyfriend called bob, who is a builder, and a nutter, and they spend weekends together either here, or at his. okay, she's now talking at me too much about some weird neapolitan bakewell tarts she bought 'cos they excited her' at sainsburys so i'm going to have to go. i have told her she's ruining me saying nice things about her on the internet, but no deal. never mind.

Day 01 - Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love

well, this one is going to be difficult to write about without coming across as though i'm trying to excuse myself or write off the feelings involved. my first proper love was a bloke called chris, when i was about fifteen/sixteen, in my last year of mandatory education. i do believe you can love someone at that age, yes, even though you 'haven't lived' and 'aren't a grown up'. i met him through friends, he was in fact, the ex of a friend, which is a theme i pursued a fair bit in those days, not meeting people off my own bat due to rarely leaving the house of my own accord (it was probably the beginning of the worst period of my mental difficulties, as i previously mentioned, i did my gcse mocks at home after significant non-attendance at school and periods of hospitalization).

i met him at a christmas party my parents were having, when becky, the friend i previously mentioned, came up to stay with a bunch of her mates and her new boyfriend, alan. i'm struggling to remember his age, but i think he was like, 19, maybe 20. i can't remember. it was the usual teenagers at a grown up party fare, drinking in a room away from them, listening to music, banding together in a group away from the adults.

it ended up with chris and me being up later than most, and drunker than most, and heading up to my room from there. typical natural teenage progression, although, something i've come to notice is typical of a lot (not all, but most) of my sexual encounters, was that i had more experience than him and consequently had to do a lot of explaining, reassuring, and so on. that still leads me to a lot of chicken and egg style wondering, about whether i am attracted to inexperience, whether inexperience is attracted to me, whether it's something that's always been there, or whether i set the pattern myself.

anyway, we ended up in a relationship. one of those sickening us-against-the-world affairs, that are par for the course for teenagers, naturally, although obviously at the time it felt like something bigger. he lived in cheltenham, so we'd go and see each other pretty much every weekend. chris was as down about things as me; just a lot quieter about it, and a lot less willing to try to get to the root of a problem. my problems manifested in anger a lot of the time at that stage, but most of the time at school and at my parents (at my dad, at that point in time. i look back on that and realize it's because we were both hurt by the fact we didn't understand each other, and were lashing out). going to see chris provided me with an escape. and he and i tended to spend most of our time away from the world in each other's rooms, not even really doing anything. i've developed a fear of sitting around inside doing nothing in a relationship these days, or of using sex as a substitute for getting to know the other person, because of what happened with me and chris.

i'm not even going to pretend it was a healthy relationship; there isn't any point. we were both very clearly very damaged people, but i was seeking help for my problems through school and the hospital, and trying to get better. i ended up withdrawing from what little life i had into this relationship, it actually seemed to me at the time to be the only reason to live, and i think that's responsible for my anxiety today about not putting all my eggs in one basket, and being very wary about co-dependence in a relationship.

it was a fairly average teenage relationship other than that. talk of never leaving each other, staying up late getting excited about shared interests, that sort of thing. when we had arguments, chris would cry and say he was scared i'd leave him, and things like that. at the time i interpreted it as him really caring about me, but now i see it as a form of emotional blackmail.

it's weird that the two things i remember most about the whole thing are how much his family liked me, and our breakup. i got on really well with his mum and his brothers, and probably even his dad. but yeah, it is the breakup that i remember the most. we went on two successional holidays with each of our families. firstly, to greece with my mum. the whole time i felt like my attention was being fought for, my mum wanted to spend time with me and not chris, and vice versa. it got to the point where i ended up self injuring to the point of being in corfu town hospital getting stitches. i was there with chris, and when it transpired that he had no way of getting us back to the hotel and wasn't going to use his initiative to think of a way in a hurry i had my doubts about whether i'd picked the right person to take me to hospital out of the two people who were fighting over who cared about me the most. this was all made worse by the fact it was followed by a holiday to cornwall with his family. on the first day, the change in atmosphere gave me an asthma attack and i went off and found a bench and tried to ride it out by myself, deep breathing round ice cubes to focus my attention and try to give my bronchi a shock, because chris wouldn't wake up. i again thought about what i was doing, and why i was putting my family and friends at arm's length for this. the time we spent in cornwall was stupidly drama-riddled. not just ours, it seemed like there were conflicts going on left right and centre, and i ended up being the person most people confided in, mostly because i spent most of the time on my own, not doing much, and trying to get some headspace. i returned home and my mum and i sat and talked about the fact she thought i was never coming back, which made up my mind even further that i needed to get rid of this relationship and it's emotional blackmail to be healthy, and that what i had thought was helping was making me worse.

i ended up breaking up with chris the week i started sixth form. that week itself was hell but i was pretty determined to stick it out, and his talk of not doing sixth form and getting a job down at his was the last straw. i think i remember he had the cheek to call me manipulative and i basically told him to get the fuck out of my house and that i never wanted to see him again. my mum gave him a lift back to the train station, and she made me go too, which i was peeved about. i didn't look at him as he left, and i've never seen him since. and i don't really care, to be honest. they say you never get over your first love, but i think barring a few long-lasting emotional scars, and the weight i gained in that relationship because he didn't want other men to look at me, i was over it the minute i was out of it. but, i did love him, and it was all very serious at the time. there's no point trying to pretend otherwise.

whew, what a downer. i get the feeling this meme is not going to be hugely upbeat. it is on livejournal though, so, yeah.


nonsense and bollocks, bollocks and nonsense.

Posted on 2010.09.23 at 08:59
hearing: roxy music:sea breezes
okay, so i haven't used this damn thing in about six months,minimum, as i've mostly migrated over to tumblr these days, but i've decided to nick the 30 day meme project from laura in an effort to focus myself, as lately i've been prone to a lot of identity crisis hysteria and tears (not hugely helped by watching zelig last night). appropriately enough, the first point on the damn thing is talking extensively about the self, so we'll see how that pans out, shall we.

Meme Project:
Day 01 – Introduce yourself

ok, hello. my name is kirsty louise mitchell, i am 22 years old (i will be 23 on the 5th of march 2011) and at the moment my professional status can be described as just barmaid. i am trying to finish off a masters in critical theory (which i mostly approach from a literary angle, but am also a dab hand at applying in other areas, all the time) that i studied at sussex university, but that isn't going very well. i am currently living in northampton, a town in the midlands in the uk, with my mother and brother, in a small village called hardingstone. i work in the next village down, wootton, in the local pub, the yeoman of england, where i am both barmaid and waitress, and, i'll go out on a limb and say, not too shabby at either. working in the licensed trade was never what i really envisaged myself doing, but if this whole academia thing doesn't work out, i won't actually object too strongly to doing it for the rest of my life. it suits my sleeping pattern (well, the evening shifts do), i kind of like the physical aspects of the job as well as the mental aspects, i feel like i get to meet people from all walks of life, and even on the busiest, most stressful shifts, there are still opportunities to joke and laugh and make others laugh.

i'm in a relationship with one john palethorpe, 25, a primary school teacher. we're both from northampton but we actually met in portsmouth, where we both studied at undergraduate. once, during my first year, when his student radio show was directly before my (arguably better) show with phil, and secondly, at a friend emily's birthday party when i was in my third year. finally, damningly, in my masters year (i lived in portsmouth and commuted to brighton, bad move) he came down for my housemate dan's birthday at halloween. stuff happened that weekend (you know, sex stuff.) and when i came back home for christmas we ended up in a relationship together, met each other's families, did all that serious grown up stuff way too fast, and here we are none-too-far from the year mark.

okay, s that is who i am in relation to external circumstances. i'm always talking about myself so i'm not sure why i can't seem to focus on doing it properly today. i wonder if it's the same as job interview anxiety; having to 'sell oneself'. but this isn't as bad cos it'll be tl;dr to all but the very nosy, so interesting a readership isn't my responsibility.

ok; so, we'll start with how i look. i'm tallish, almost as tall as most of the boys i know, i don't know how tall that actually makes me. i am pale (even in summer i will only go light gold, but by god do i try), and naturally i have brunette hair but i have taken to dying it red. my hair is probably the first thing people notice about me. i made a decision to stop straightening it when i realized i was wasting time i wanted to spend on other things, and i don't often get haircuts, so it is huge, curly, and down to about my waist. i had an undercut, but i had to grow it out for my job (i don't really care, i had it for like, two years-ish, and am mildly annoyed that it's the 'new thing' in shitty magazines like grazia these days) hence the decision to go red. i'm carrying a little more weight than i'd like at the moment, more for physical reasons (you know when you can tell you're taking up more space than you used to and it feels weird?) but i seem to be losing again, and when i fit back into size twelve clothing i will know i'm back where i'm meant to be, body wise. i have a fairly love-hate relationship with my body. it's pretty average. not great, not terrible. i feel the same about my face; there's nothing remarkable about it, there's nothing too bad about it either. i do have disturbingly small features when looked at closely though; especially my ears. i've got a scar under my jawline on the right hand side from having a huge birthmark removed at about age 2/3.

the second thing people probably notice about me physically is my dress sense. i'm not so naive as to think it doesn't stand out, but it's not unusual to me, as ever since early days of choosing my own clothes i've been without the fear of ridicule that governs the way most people choose to wear their clothes. a lot of people misinterpret this as a sort of rockstar complex, but it's really something far more prosaic, in that i got bullied so severely at my first secondary school that the minute i figured out who i wanted to be, i clung fiercely to it, realizing people were going to dislike me for their own reasons regardless, and frankly, the psychological and physical damage had already been done, i don't think there's much worse that could happen to me as a result of how i look.

which brings us neatly onto school. i went to three different secondary schools which is a bit of an achievement in the 2-tier system. roade comprehensive,my first school, was awful, and something i still dwell on occasionally today. i didn't have any friends whatsoever, i got the shit beaten out of me on a daily basis, i used to get seriously afraid of literally any time where there were no teachers about, like break or lunch, or the bus journeys to and from school. it even happened in lessons. i'd hate going home and expecting my mum to blame me for the fact my shirt and back were soaked in fountain pen ink, or i'd had chewing gum in my hair again, or i was bruised, or bleeding. obviously she didn't, but it was hard for her trying to get the school to see the magnitude of the problem. it got too hard for all of us as a family in the end, so mum and dad sent me to the seven grand a year private school (they were still together at this point, my mum has nowhere near that kind of money these days). i'd love to say that helped, but by the time i ended up at northampton high school i was a feral little animal. i didn't fear my peers, especially not when i realized just how well behaved everyone was at that damn place, because the worst things had already happened to me. i didn't respect my teachers, because teachers just sat and watched bad things happen, didn't they? i wouldn't say it was my most mature phase, but i didn't give a fuck at the time. i ended up seeing a child psychologist at the time, and though she was one of the best mental health workers i've ever encountered, i'm convinced i was only there because i was a pain in the arse, since i'd had really terrible problems way before that, but not made any fuss about them. anyway after telling my art teacher to fuck off for being as bad as hitler, and calling my french teacher a cunt i ended up leaving the high school and attending northampton school for girls.

i really liked northampton school for girls. i had brilliant teachers, which is good cos by this point my mental health had got me to the point where i barely attended school and tried pretty hard not to interact with my peers when i got there. i did my gcse mocks at home, i was that bad, but at least the school provided the support for me to do so. this mentality lasted through sixth form, and i'm convinced if i was worse academically i would have ended up being asked to leave, but i was supported and encouraged the whole way through, despite on and off hospitalization.

so, uhm, onto uni, maybe? this is probably the first mention you'll start hearing of friends, which, when you think about it, is pretty fucking bleak. i studied english literature at portsmouth university. i wasn't initially planning to go, but i got the results and thought 'eh, fuck it, i can stay here and work in primark and be miserable, or be miserable elsewhere, uni it is!'. i had a boyfriend here, pete, who i stayed with until halfway through the second year, he was probably my last serious ex before john. i hated university at first, but i got more absorbed in my course, made some fantastic friends in halls (dan and krista; my closest friends throughout university and potentially for life), developed what some people regard as a dangerous social life during my second and third years (my third year i hardly ever spent an evening in if i could help it), started working in the licenced trade for my third year and my masters year, slept around like a madwoman, made lots of friends, and pissed off a fair few people along the way. as you do. i graduated one percent off a first, which still smarts a bit.

as you can see, there's really been no fixity of identity throughout my life. the only consistent things have really been my mental health problems, which are still with me today. i haven't even begun to touch on the ups and downs that have happened, like my parents divorce, and my stepdad's suicide, and stuff, because i've been trying to focus on things which actually happened to me specifically here, but um, yeah.

i feel, in a weird way, as if i'm the closest i'll ever be to a concrete person right now, even though i still don't feel complete and solid, like people should. i love literature, gender studies, all kinds of music (but especially painfully trendy electro, and old new wave and talking heads and stuff). i smoke like a chimney and drink like a fish. i love cooking, i knit and crochet, i garden. i have done stand up comedy and would do it again. i like woody allen films, i have a severe caffeine problem, am quick to anger if something riles my social conscience. i voted liberal democrat in the last election and wouldn't change that even knowing what happened. i am a big fan of doing things for the lulz, and have a pretty surreal sense of humour, but i cannot stand people who are offensive for the sake of it and think they're totally fucking edgy as a result.

i could buy and talk about clothes all day but i realize how boring i would be if i did. i don't like cookie cutter girls but could drop a hundred quid in topshop in three seconds flat myself. i have recently stopped eating meat for a month and will probably continue to be an ovo-lacto vegetarian (i may end up taking the plunge to vegan, but not under my mother's roof out of a desire to not give her a heart attack), mainly because i don't miss meat and the environmental implications of livestock farming are starting to freak me out (i've never thought the cruelty argument was a big sway, having studied too much philosophy i realize people can rationalize away cruelty through any number of ways very effectively, which is sad, but true). i am really missing being able to surround myself with people in northampton, as there are definitely very performative aspects of my personality. i very much dislike people who make the same point over and over in an argument without responding to counterarguments (that's bad manners and displays ignorance), or people who say thing like 'it's just facebook' when they've said something offensive, since facebook is the largest public sphere available, or one of them. i don't like television, as i feel like it's built on offensive cultural leylines of assumption and sensationalism. i don't watch documentaries because all they do is make people feel smart without teaching them anything.

i don't like going to the cinema all that much because you have no control over your own viewing experience and i feel they reflect euroamerican culture's obsession with making things bigger, louder, and brighter, content be damned. i like woody allen films a lot because of his ability to be intertextual without using text, i hate people who refuse to watch subtitled cinema (i feel that they're letting their white european privilege show in spades by saying 'if i have to make an effort, i'm not going to pay attention to another country's cultural output'). i find nothing more frustrating than people who say 'that's too intelligent for me' because let's face it, if you dismiss everything that isn't in basic language and about simple things for your whole life, then yeah, it's going to be.

i don't like macho leftist whiteboys who talk about the working man's struggle. they've usually never worked, and don't like you calling into assumption their use of the word man very much. i try very hard to have a bigger picture view, socially and culturally. taking into account how something affects everything is tiring, but in my opinion, necessary. i read the guardian, make fun of myself and it regularly, but honestly believe it's the only progressive newspaper in this country (although i wish they'd fire hadley freeman, do i give a fuck what she thought about the vip area of glasto or, well, anything else? no.) i try obsessively to always have neat nails, and i always wear ten coats minimum of mascara. people's mum's always like me. i think i've wittered on enough. back tomorrow for pt. 2.


starting to feel like cher's tour manager already. odeer.

Posted on 2010.06.02 at 04:01
hearing: florence welch or beyonce LOL
promise you it'll be over soon. promise.


me serving jenny's birthday brownies in last year's house. that was such a great day.


i am pretty sure dan and myself would just be okay if it weren't for those god damned paparazzi scum.


ok internet, i know that the fact i have actually been to a foam party takes me down several notches on how alienated and disaffected i am allowed to be from here on in. this was my first, and only, in my twenties and not on a dodgy euro-package-age-based-wreeeeey, and apart from the obvious there's fuck all wrong with me mentally, and i had no idea it was happening until i was on the way to the club. and my good pal mollyie ben's Birthday Clause had been invoked by then. but yes, this sums up me and lara. minute the other one blinks a schoolkid joke comes into effect. sisface, i love you, very much.


i already miss lizzy so much. everyone needs somone who knows you were pulling an old school moonie in a picture to try and ruin it's artistic merit but then the camerawoman was like, too slow, so you end up just looking like a poseur tosser. but like, someone belieeeved like that little kid with the drawings in loch ness and it's all like, great. just, idk without slideshows and lakes and scientists and meanings and accents or whatevs.


speaking of which, this is all her fault. ALL. HER. FAULT. i will and already do miss her to fuck.


tim, i learned a shit ton about me, and about you in the time we spent together. whenever you're in town i'll always ask how many sandwiches you want. and how much lettuce you want.


maybe the only photo where i don't look fake or like i want to kill the world and bury myself inside to suffocate for all time (y'know, apart from when i was bratty and rude to old people about the grade i didn't get cos i didn't work hard enough) from graduation. courtesy of dan's parents.


o apart from wen it was lyk wel funny how r00d i was to sheila hanCOCK lol


part, oh fuck, what like four? five? ohh.

Posted on 2010.06.02 at 03:00
hearing: beyonce:halo
so part four. ikr, at this rate i shan't ever leave. i owe this place a lot, so shush.


this picture looks unforgiving but i got to know my current housemates here, and had a coherent conversation with my current boyfriend for the first time. yes, in this state. shut up.


basically my favourite coursemates ever. if it helps any they were usually a lot more aloof and both look super-fine in tailoring. fuck me they were a scream when they were drunk though, henry and james i do wish i'd taken a leaf out of your book and travelled the world to go bankrupt rather than studying to.


lizzy and i in the first of many life-changing intense conversations. this really was the start of a beautiful friendship. lizzy, i love you, so much.


my ex pete came down for my 21st. this is an unable to walk in a straight line me, and an unfailingly patient him. we got pizza shortly after cos i couldn't stand up, ne'mind get in anywhere.


this is me and my current housemate emily, round-about my 21st when my family came down. no wonder i was at the peak of my confidence then; look at how i looked.


i should never be allowed near kids but sometimes i am. this was the result of a deliciously sunny day on albert road where hannah's mate sharon turned up in little johnny russell's with her supercute daughter lily. i let this kid lick my lipgloss wand and wipe mushed up banana on the ol' faithful flannel shirt; pretty sure that means we're buds for life now. she's such a cutie, her mama works in topshop and when she gets wheeled in in the pram at close she licks the jewellery and yells 'mine!'. how is that not amazing? if i could legally do that i probably would. although lily looks better in my fake ray bans than me. bitch.


this is hannah's favourite picture of us; but i think it's my favourite picture of hannah. this is her birthday at hipshaker-and she looks as stunning as always; i still remember her showing me the dress, and the topshop girls showing up with the shoes she thought they didn't have in her size cos they'd hid them. i loved living with hannah, i'm thoroughly thrilled that she's happy; i've missed her even this year and i'll miss her a fuckton more when i leave. hannah; i love you so much. so much.

only one more instalment now i reckon folks.

Posted on 2010.06.02 at 02:12
hearing: daft punk:face to face
so i'm on to part three of things i'll miss about portsmouth. all of these things shaped who i am and i'd be sorry if they didn't happen; and frankly they never would have if i wasn't here. so yeah.


dan and i here. this photo only accidentally caught him taking it. looks arty, rite? but yeah this is what happens if you buy me a wham! christmas single as a present. i eat it. because of the stupid sleeve. which i swallowed in two bites.


possibly the only photo of the humanities studying kanye fanclub of '09 ever in existence. we look like if the guardian invented n-dubz.


once upon a time my job was fun...


...cos they let me dress as russell brand for halloween post andrew-sachs. prompting the whole 'well he's not scary' '...weeeell tell that to a mail reader *ba dump tsch*' lulz. (also i was in a cba position and had a fake beard)


first time i properly hung out with lara i sat in a puddle. this is what happened.


first hms pinup i work i'm not even compere for (beautiful drag qeen sally behind me is) and i still nick a punters hat.


hannah i love you and i love how funny you always found this photo. you, jenny and sharon being so girly and my god-damn face, it's not hard to love. but fuuuuck i'll miss you and our mornings. i love you, so much.


things i love portsmouth pt II.

Posted on 2010.06.02 at 01:45
hearing: beyonce:halo
ok so there's probably more than 2/3 chapters of people who touched my life. this is crazy. i'm spamming halo by florence welch and putting photos in in a seemingly arbitrary fashion: god i love these people.


tallie you are so beautiful and smart and kind and funny, i'm so sad it took us this long to get to know each other again, but i'm overjoyed that you're happy.


can we all please just note how god damned FINE krista is blowin' out all them candles. that was a fuckin' awesome party. i bought 7 metres of fabric and 5m of gold braid and was damn sure i wore ALL of it. notice the graze on my lip. that's from falling on the pavement v.1. (p.s. the incredulous face at the cake is genuine)


i don't think anything will ever erase the bond jody and i have had, and still have. he and i have literally experienced every high and low together. i'll never forget listening to carly simon on his kitchen floor with him at 5am, or the time he kicked a dude out of his party for being aggressive to me for no reason and i felot guilty for 'creating an atmosphere' and he told me not to be. he's marrying the most insanely beautiful, smart, funny girl soon; she pierced my navel and i love/wish i was her a lot cos she's a beaut. is the sibling-love present in this picture? i think so; i feel so.


this is the first picture i ever saw that i genuinely loved myself in. that has to deserve a mention.


ahahaha, dan, me and you are such a fucken' genius pair of drunkards. who else rocks out to simple minds and kanye on a roof??


do i not look like i'm having the time of my life here? i still feel so privileged to know these men and have messed around with them on-air cos they're both desrvedly successful dj's now and do really well for themselves and i love them for it, they were so great to dick about with. but i do still have several polaroids of them wearing my clothes that i'm hoarding for if they ever get real big.


probably the only photo of me and joel in existence (note jody again). he's one of the only people apart from direct and very near acquaintances that i haven't felt the need to socially perform for in the last few days of living here. i will miss him a lot. we tend to exist on an axis of mutual worry since the sex thing was eliminated and basically i just very much hope he will always be alright. and that eventually he'll eat more than what 5 year olds have for breakfast (marmite on toast or frosties). or just eat regularly. i love you, very much.


apart from the fact i look FINE here and had no idea i was about to lose most of my front teeth a fe days later i had no reason for adding this picture apart from it was the night me and pringle got lost for ages on the way back to orchard road. and that it was the beginning of a beautifully problematic e-struggle. but we're sort of nice to each other in public these days. just don't tell anyone.


robert faulkner is the best man who over did an english degree. that is/will be all. what we're wearing was a lampshade. he's the only man i know from uni who saw me naked by accident on both our parts, as well. like, butt naked.


this was me trying not to listen to my housemate's boyfriend playing every song he knew (by the libertines) in the style of bob-dylan-impression on my 20th birthday. contextualification may make it the best picture that ever lived.

also i'm still going.

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